Ok, why haven't I been posting more often? Because I was scared! Why can I post now? Because I'm not scared anymore. Don't get me wrong, at no point did I question weather we should be adopting. That was the one thing I was sure about, but I have been terrified of making wrong decisions. I have to admit that I have wonderful support in my family and church family, but it is very difficult to share how you feel with someone who hasn't been there. I can tell mid-sentence that some people just don't understand. When I talk about international adoption, cost, time frame, and the process I see more confusion and fear in their eyes than I have ever felt. It does make me wonder if I shouldn't be more scared. What's more scary (and sometimes frustrating) is when you tell people your heart's desire and they say, "Well, have you thought about doing this instead?" or "I still think you should try a fertility treatment." or "You realize what ethnicity kids from there are, right?" Ouch. Scary.
Well, back to that wonderful support. There are many people who have been so encouraging and I know have been praying for us. I have a wonderful friend who put me in contact with her sister who has recently adopted. There is a certain indescribable peace that comes from talking to someone who has not only been there, but who absolutely loves the Lord. How amazing to take time out of her busy schedule to talk to someone she's never met. I have to say, our entire 20 minute phone conversation all I could say was, "I know," and "it's true." Not because I know everything or because I didn't have anything else to say, but because I couldn't stop crying! If you know anything about me you know I'm a crier and that I don't like it. She was so encouraging, suggesting scripture to read, sharing her story with me, reminding me that adoption was a picture of what God has done for us. But what hit me the most were the things she said that I hadn't really thought about. Like "a decision well prayed about doesn't bring regret." She is also the only person who has said, "Maria, just go for it. God will help you while you are stepping out in faith." And she suggested I read Proverbs 16, which I did as soon as I got off the phone. I am forever grateful.
Well, in my last post I told you I had some great news, and this hasn't changed (especially with my new-found strength). I have been reading (and rereading) about a few agencies in particular and we are planning on filling out the application this weekend. This is a big step of faith. I predict many fundraisers in the near future but I'll post about that later. To apply you have to know what country you would like to adopt from and we do...we are going with...Uganda! Yes Uganda, Africa! I am so excited! But I haven't even told you the biggest part...we are applying for...two! It's my heart's desire to adopt a sibling group. We have many reasons for choosing Uganda and for choosing siblings, but again, I will post about that later:) For now please pray with me as I share my heart with you and God:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I praise you for your immeasurable love towards me,
and pray that you continue to enlighten us and direct our paths.
You have laid the desire of growing our family through adoption on our hearts,
and I know you will carry us through it.
Help us rely on you, keep you first in our lives, and take the next right step without looking back.
Most of all, please be with our children even now. Draw them to yourself, that when they are finally
home we could worship you as a family.
Thank you for leading our steps and always wanting what is best for us.
In Jesus's name, Amen.
"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." Proverbs 16: 3 and 9