Time to Leave it Alone

The more time I spend researching an adoption from Ecuador, the more disheartening it feels. If this works out it will be by God’s doing alone, not that He needs my help. So, I have decided to leave it alone for a while (meaning, until I hear something from Ecuador), but there are other big events in our life that I would love to share with you.

I am a wife! This is huge. I get to love my husband, be loved, and in hard times learn to be loving all over again.

I am a mom! This is a pretty big deal too. I have a two year old. Enough said.

I am a SAHM. That’s a “stay at home mom” for those of you who have never seen the acronym; that would be my family in New Jersey. Love you guys.

Most importantly, I am a child of God. I learn what this truly means more and more every day.

And I do it all perfectly, right? Absolutely, most certainly WRONG. I need help. I’ll be the first to admit it, but as I’m seeking and learning I would love to share my finds with you. I’m working on a schedule for what to write about on certain days. In other words, I’m searching through my favorite blogs and stealing their awesome ideas. I should have this ready by my next post. Until then, please feel free to share ideas with me.

Many of you know our family but haven’t seen a recent picture of us. You’ll have to keep waiting, but we did manage to take a few pic’s of Sawyer. Enjoy…and then help me convince Jared that Sawyer needs a haircut!

 “I will praise the LORD according to His righteousness, And will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.” Psalm 7:17

Ecuador Update

I spoke with adoption agency #209 and…was denied.  What do I mean when I say denied? I would like to give you an idea of what our family is willing to “accept.” Don’t take offense to that word. Please put yourself in my shoes and think of what child you would be willing to adopt and parent the rest of your life. I inquired about a healthy child (in adoption lingo this means mild/correctable special needs), boy or girl, two or younger.

Ecuador has two adoption programs: regular and waiting children (WIC). Regular meaning healthy children infant age and up, and WIC meaning children harder to place due to age and health. The country of Ecuador has their regular program on hold indefinitely because they are trying to keep their healthy infants/toddlers in country, adopted by nationals. This means the three agencies with Ecuador programs are only offering their WIC program. 

We would have to be willing to accept:

Children four years or older and/or

With mild to severe Special Needs and/or

Of Afro-Ecuadorian or mixed indigenous race and/or

Part of a sibling group.

That’s a lot to be willing to accept (especially if you add up all the “ands”)!

Where do Jared and I stand? We are not searching for the perfect child. We are searching for our child. The one God has prepared for us, conceived in my heart, in need of Jared, Maria, and Sawyer. May His will be done.

Something extremely important to us is birth order. The Lord gave us Sawyer first. We plan on keeping him the oldest. It is his birth right from the Lord. We also know what we can handle when it comes to special needs: financially and emotionally.  Then add the fact that Ecuador has many(!) healthy infants not being adopted. How sad. I type this with a knot in my throat, hoping you can open your heart and see where I’m coming from.

Having said all that, here is the email I received from my dad in Ecuador (I have to specify because I have two daddy's:). It was sent to him from the special lady I talked to you about in my previous post.  It states:

“Hello, I have investigated what I spoke with you earlier. Indeed, there is a corporation that can help you. They tell me that the adoption process is fast (again, in adoption lingo this means less than 12 months) and they have younger children that are adoptable. Next week they will tell me the adequate people to contact.”

By "next week" I hope she means Monday:)

I was born in Ecuador! I am Ecuadorian! I have family members living in Ecuador! This is not all in vain. The Lord has had this all planned from the beginning of time and will show His great power in this situation. To Him be the glory in everything that happens. He is my God and He does everything right. Please pray for clear direction, open doors, and patience as this process is sloooow. Thank you for all your support. It has been so encouraging:)

“You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.” Psalm 77:14

Lot's to Pray About

I haven’t written in a few days, but that doesn’t mean life hasn’t been eventful. I have been meaning to share our country of choice with you for some time, but right now we have two countries we are burdened for. I will tell you about our second choice first:

Ethiopia

·       Ethiopia is still the 4th poorest country in the world making about $160 per family per year.

·       One in ten children die before their first birthday

·       One in six children die before their fifth birthday

·       60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition

·       The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years

·       1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest in the world)

·       720,000 children have been orphaned by AIDS alone

·       Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa

·       There are 4.6 million orphans there right now.

Our heart cries out for this country and their beautiful children who have yet to find their forever families. We were ready to start our adoption from Ethiopia. We are even preapproved, but there is another country very dear to my heart.

Ecuador

I was born in Ecuador twenty-some years ago, and lived there the first four years of my life. Half of my family is still living there, including my dad. Growing up, I travelled to Ecuador yearly, and have seen their orphans face to face. I personally know and have felt the conditions these children live in. How could I not jump on this amazing opportunity???? Because Ecuador won’t let me!!!! I believed this was a closed case, but then the Lord led a wonderful woman to meet my parents in Ecuador. She has adopted two kids and has given me hope that an adoption from Ecuador is possible! Here is where your prayers come in. This is where my heart’s desires lie. I will try my hardest and fight with all my might to truly find out if an Ecuadorian adoption is possible. I will only let God shut this door. Yesterday, I visited 209 adoption websites searching for an Ecuador program. I found three, called, and was denied by two. Number 209 only works with Ecuador, but their office was closed by the time I called. I will be speaking with them today. Please pray with me, specifically and with confidence. We serve a mighty God!

“Now, this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.”

1 John 5:14-15 NKJV

Which program? This one!

I woke up this morning ready to get typing and tell you all about our program of choice. My first thought being, “I’ll do my devotions as soon as I’m done posting!” Fortunately, the Holy Spirit would not allow it and made it loud and painfully clear. I all of sudden had a knot in my stomach!

I guess I’ll start by telling you what I’m doing for devotions. Jared and I are taking BCF Self-Confrontation with our Pastor. I have only heard amazing things about this study and wanted to dive in right away. No one told me about the homework. I decided I would use their homework as my daily devotions. Our first memory verse is Ephesians 2:8-9, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

I decided to read the chapter and see how this verse fit in its context. There it was. Another verse the Lord used to confirm the adoption program I already felt led to. Something we learned in our first lesson was that we could live our life however we want! Ok, just kidding, but there is an ounce of truth to that. AFTER I have placed my faith in Jesus Christ (Romans 5:8), accepted God’s free gift of salvation (Romans 6:23), that comes through Christ’s death on the cross(1 Corinthians 15:3-4), through grace alone(Ephesians 2:8), realizing that there is nothing I could have done or will ever do that would have earned my way to heaven (Ephesians 2:9), and pursue Christ-like living (Romans 12:2), THEN I truly believe, with the Holy Spirit and God’s Word to guide me, I can simply live my life. That’s not to say I don’t need the guidance of my Family, Church, Pastor, etc. I just believe that Jared and I can make a decision and truly believe it’s the right one. Without further ado, we are going international, and I am so excited! No hesitation here. The Lord has placed a huge burden on our hearts for the orphans of our world. And the verse that touched my heart this morning was Eph. 2:10, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” I’m walking and trusting in God, and enjoying this journey because God prepared it for me before time began, that He might get all the glory. In Jebeke Adams’ words, “The Lord is sovereign over this also. Praise Him!” Praise Him! Here is a video that has touched my very soul. Let it touch yours.

 

I encourage you to seek the scriptures out for yourself. I have helped get you started and listed the verses I quoted in this post.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Corinthians 15:3-4 For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Breakdown

This is a long one. Grab a tissue and get comfy.

I already had my first breakdown, and it happened last night, at CHURCH!!! Here’s how I arrived to this so quickly.

I started considering adopting a little over a month ago. I knew it would be hard to tell all our family what we were planning and how we were feeling. So I created this blog, a place where I could fully explain and maybe even calm some fears and hesitation. And it worked, for some. Others emailed, texted, and called to see if I was alright!?!? But one of the people I love the most didn’t do any of the above so I began to worry.

I had talked about this before with my mom. I called a few weeks ago and said, “So, I’m adopting.” That’s as far as I got before my mom said, “oh, ok, how’s Sawyer?” And we left it that. I knew once she truly knew what I was feeling (AKA, read my blog), she would jump on board and be my biggest supporter. But it wasn’t happening fast enough, so I worried.

I sent a simple text out to both my mom and sister saying, “Did you read my blog?” My sister said, “Yes!” My mom did not respond, so I worried some more. I asked my sis if my mom had read it and she said, “I don’t think so. I told her about it and she said ‘mhmm.’”

Then my heart just broke. It was full of worry.

My son and I went to church last night without my better half because he was sick. My heart felt so full I knew I wouldn’t make it very long before a tear came down my cheek. I gave a prayer request for my family and how they were feeling about my adoption and when I was done I felt like I had said, “we’re adopting so tuff!” Then I was embarrassed I had said anything at all and that lonely tear did not come. Instead, I started sobbing, making me feel even more embarrassed. After church, friends would come and give me a hug and any crying I had calmed down came flowing out again. I wanted to hide under a rock! I worried ladies were thinking “That poor thing”, and men “What is wrong with her?!?!” To top it all off, my son was vividly showing why most are afraid of two-year olds. We finally made it home and my husband clearly pointed out that I was probably worried over nothing!

So, I say all that to say, “Hello, my name is Maria, and I’m addicted to Worry (that and crying).” Ok, not addicted but it is a sin and I try to keep it under control with God’s grace, but it sometimes manages to seep out. Please pray for that. I said this was my first breakdown and I’m praying for as few as possible along this journey.

Well, I do have some good news. As usual I was worried over nothing. Here’s the email I received from my mom today:

“Wow! I just checked your blog and can’t stop crying……… I guess everything is a little overwhelming, (I can imagine how you felt every time you wrote a word in those pages).  Somehow I feel I misunderstood what was going on and I’m sorry! You are my precious little baby and I hope you know that! I love you so very much and I pray God keeps leading your steps and like you said gives you the desires of your heart. Anything you need please let us know. Love, Mami”

I have the best mom in the world and the greatest God in the universe. I think I let it get to me because she is amazing, but in the end it could have been avoided! I apologize for the emotional outburst last night, and share this very personal story to show you that we serve a mighty God who truly answers prayer. I am also showing you that I am a simple sinner, living by grace, trying my hardest to take the next right step.

 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34 NKJV

 “But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, ‘You are my God.’” Psalm 31:14 NKJV

Because it’s not about ME!

If this is your first time visiting our blog, please read the previous posts found here and here first. Then it’ll all make better senseJ

Adoption-To take into one's family through legal means and raise as one's own child.

www.thefreedictionary.com/adoption

Back when Jared and I were dating, he mentioned wanting to have kids and wanting to adopt. Honestly, that didn’t make much sense to me. All I thought was, “Adoption. Isn’t that what people do when they can’t have kids? When I give him four kids, the last thing he’ll want is more!” Well, I didn’t even give him two, so the word adoption flowed freely from his mouth. At first, I couldn’t even talk about it. Is this how God is going to give ME a second child? Is this what’s best for MY family? Will I find the process too difficult? And many more. As always my God answered my fear with His Word. It’s not about ME!!! It’s about HIM, my God, my Creator, My Father, my All in All. This is His plan for a child in need, and I get to come along for the ride. I have been chosen to care for an orphan, making him fully mine. What a blessing! What a privilege! This is where my tears of fear turned to tears of great joy! I couldn’t stop crying for three days feeling unworthy of the calling but so thankful He called.

Whew. Needless to say, we are highly motivated to get this started right away. We are so excited. We want our forever child tomorrow! Not so fast. This process is lengthy, and expensive, and demanding. What program? What agency? What time frame? What do we need to organize in our lives to prepare for this journey? A lot! It’s a good thing we have God on our side, leading the way. What program???? That we finally know.

“Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:5 NKJV

Our Big News

Please make sure you read our first post, found here, before reading Our Big News.

It’s 2:07am and I just have to tell you our news! I can't wait any longer! I feal like my heart will burst! (Hey, I've been holding this in for a month!)

Where did we leave off? Yes, my family is going to change the world…for one. We have decided to pursue adoption. I cry tears of joy every time I say (or type) the word Adoption.

But my tears weren’t always of joy. About a month ago, they were tears of fear and confusion. God is not the author of confusion but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33). So where is this coming from? I remember asking my husband, “What if, (he hates what if questions) what if, I just cannot get pregnant?” He smiled (yes, he smiled!) and said, “Then we adopt.” That’s it? So matter of fact? No hesitation? Is that what wives are for?

Well, I did what every good wife should do: I consulted Google. I read page after page dealing with all kinds of adoptions. I took all the different info in as if that was exactly what we were going to pursue. A bit overwhelming. Of course it was. I went to the wrong place first. Don’t get me wrong, I love Google. We’ve become good friends. Feeling overwhelmed, I finally turned to God. This was when I finally fell on my knees and prayed that there would be pure motivation behind this. I prayed for wisdom and strength. I would need both if this was the path we were supposed to go down. I knew in my heart that it was. This was the next right step (even though it seemed more like a leap into darkness).

Now what? All the information was swimming in my head. So many choices. After much praying, and reading, and library trips, and late nights online, Jared and I knew WHY we would pursue adoption. God clearly showed me and changed my heart. I finally felt the peace the surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 NKJV

*Since I posted this so early, I will be posting my “Why?” later today. Be looking for that and thanks for reading J

Getting Started

Hi there! And welcome. We are about to embark on a wonderful adventure and we’d like to take as many as we can with us. My name is Maria and I am married to a wonderful man of God named Jared. We were married in 2005. I accepted Christ as my savior at the age of 12, and for as long as I can remember, the plan was to change the world. As I grew older the plan morphed a bit here and there. The one thing that hasn’t changed is our desire to take “the next right step” and glorify God in everything we do and say.

We were blessed with a wonderful baby boy in 2008 named Sawyer, a spirited little boy who keeps me on my toes. He is the apple of my eye. God has used Sawyer to show me that when you think you couldn’t possibly love a person more than you already do, you can! I love him more and more every day.

So, did we feel like something was missing…honestly, no. We are a simple family, taking the next right step, making sure we are doing all we can to honor and glorify God.

Well…the next right step seemed to bring about baby #2. And we’ve been on that step for about two years now. Don’t get me wrong. I am perfectly content with the baby I have. I just thought that obviously came next. My doctor labeled me with Secondary Infertility. “It’s time to go see a fertility doctor, if you want to mother a second child,” she said. All I heard was: Hope you have some money saved up. You’ll have to pay to go through the worst physical, emotional, and financial time of your life!

Not exactly where I felt the Lord leading me. There have to be other options. Soon we found out how we were going to change the world.

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.” Psalm 28:7 NKJV